Sunday, November 20, 2016

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

In the late 80’s Bobby McFerrin coined what turned into a very popular tune, ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’. One line in the song says: 

“In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double. 
Don’t Worry Be Happy”

This song was written almost 30 years ago but still has a timely message today. My mind is filled with so much these days. Worry plagues me at times. I try my hardest not to worry but it’s something I can’t shake sometimes. Then I saturate myself in God’s Word and He speaks to me ever so gently and says, “It will be alright, I got this”. It’s in those moments that I feel a sense of peace that overtakes me. I enter my happy place. 

The ‘happy place’ is a place I love to be in. I rest there, I smile there and I enjoy life there. I’m my best creative self there and I’m refreshed, renewed and rejuvenated in that place. I pray that everyone can find this place and once you find it, come up with a strategy to stay there. 

Here are 5 tips I’d like to offer for staying in your ‘happy place’ (for you and me): 

  1. Be Grateful. 
-Sounds easy enough right? Not so much when we let worry turn into complaining. What I’ve found is that gratefulness can’t co-exist with other folks like worry and fear. When we put our focus on the things that we do have instead of the things we do not have it adds prospective to those issues we tend to make larger than what they actually are. Also, being grateful keeps our focus on the one who keeps us rather than on our problems. 

2. Saturate yourself in God’s Word. 
-This is indeed a ‘fo sho mood-changer! Reading about what God says in His Word about your situation is sure to lift your spirits and send you straight to happy! Beyond that, staying in God’s Word helps you against mental attacks of the enemy. 

When the enemy whispers: “You’re not good enough”
God says: “You are fearfully wand wonderfully made”

When the enemy whispers: “You just need to accept it and be sad”
God says: “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. The joy of the Lord is my strength!!!”

When the enemy whispers: “You are not going to get that task completed, the resources are not there”
God says: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you”. 

Saturate yourself in God’s Word and it will surely bring you to ‘happy’. 

3. Love, Love & Love More!
-No matter how hard life seems to get you can always rest in the fact that you’ve got family and friends who love you. Revel in that! Keep love in your heart as it will carry you through those tough times. Love life and appreciate it for all its goodness! Trust me, things are not as bad as they seem!! 

4. Get Focused Man! (said in my Jigga voice!)
-Don’t let go of your dreams and goals no matter what setbacks you encounter! Stay focused on the ‘why’ and pursue it as if your life depended on it. When you’re focused on your goals, your time to worry dramatically decreases - go figure! 

5. Choose Happiness. 
-Life is about choices and happiness is one of those choices. This is something that you have to choose and decide to be daily. Life’s pressures can get us down be it relational, financial, emotional or whatever and regardless of what people may think, depression is a real thing - even among the saints! But we serve a God who is gracious and merciful toward us and as my Pastor preached recently - he loads us daily with benefits!! That fact alone ought to bring you back to ‘happy’. Ultimately, the choice is yours and I say - choose happiness daily!  

Girrrl find your happy place and stay there! Life is too precious to waste it sitting around worrying about something that God has already worked out! 

Girrrl Don’t Worry, Be Happy!!  

Thursday, November 10, 2016

God Will Not Be Trumped!

In the aftermath of one of the most anxiety inducing elections of our time, here we are - still standing. Things are no different today then they were a few days ago. I see the posts on Facebook detailing people’s projections of the future under the Trump administration; some may be accurate and some may not. The truth that I hold to is that God is indeed in control - He will not be trumped! Regardless of the outcome, know that God is still behind the scenes orchestrating all things. (Romans 8:28) And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who’s in office, God still expects us to carry out the purpose He has set for our lives. Carrying out your purpose and working through your goals will still happen. The grind is still in effect!!! God may use this administration to open up the doors you need to get big things to happen. God said in His Word that He ‘will make your enemies a footstool at your feet’ (Psalms 110:1). Sometimes God allows things to happen so that when we are victorious, we give all the credit to Him, not to any political party, community leaders or whoever. God deserves all the glory and honor. 

This is the time to truly do a foundation check. What are you rooted in? Is it in politics? World leaders? Your own abilities? I believe God allows trouble to come to see where your foundation is. When things get tight or curve balls are thrown, do you get shaky or do you have a firm foundation in Christ? 

If your foundation is in Christ then the election outcome should not cause anxiety or at least if it does (because this is a normal human reaction), your response to it should be different. Stand firm on your foundation and stay focused on your purpose in Christ. God is in control and He will not be trumped!  

Moving on....

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Valley Process Comes Before the Mountaintop Promise

Growing up I used to read a novel series called Sweet Valley High. I used to love to immerse myself into the life of Jessica and Elizabeth and their friends. Things were fun and sweet in Sweet Valley High and I loved to be there (in my mind anyway - the power of a good book). However, the valley has taken on a whole new meaning as an adult and what I’ve discovered is that things aren’t so fun and sweet in the valley season of life.  

Life in the valley is challenging. It can often cause you to be in a perpetual state of sadness or depression - if you let it. The fact remains that life, whether in the valley or on the mountaintop, is about choices. When we are in the valley season we do have to make the choice to be happy. We have to make the conscience decision to have a positive outlook no matter what the situation looks like. It’s a skill that if you didn’t have it before, you would surely gain and hone it because otherwise you would be destined for many dark and grim days. 

The truth is whether we like it or not there is some benefit to being in the valley. The valley develops things in us that the mountaintop is incapable of developing. For it’s in the valley that: 

-We learn how to be more resourceful
There were times before that I would blow through $100 or $200 like it was nothing. Now I find myself having to stretch $40 for two weeks, I’ve learned to be resourceful. I have developed an interest in cooking more because I have to, I’ve developed a knack for finding free events because that’s the only way I’m going out most of the time. Whether it’s cutting out coupons or just disciplining myself to cut spending, I’ve developed a skill for being resourceful that I believe will prove to be extremely useful when (just using a faith word here!) things turn around. 

-We learn how to receive
This may sound weird but for many people including myself, receiving is a difficult task. When you have historically been a giver, being on the other side of the equation can be a humbling experience. I’ve learned how to accept the humbling and the compassion that it’s building. A few years ago my prayer was to become more compassionate toward people. I felt like I could use some improvement in that area so I asked God for it. He has a funny way of fulfilling requests. I asked for compassion so he humbled me in a way that now causes me to be very compassionate toward people and their hardships, struggles and strongholds. I guess that old saying is right: be careful what you ask for ‘cuz you just might get it. 

-We see the harvest of seeds sown and appreciate the small blessings
Family and friends have come through in a way that I didn’t fully realize was a possibility. I didn’t realize how much people really had my back until I was in a tough time. Everything from cooked meals, meals they treat me to in restaurants, checks written, cash given, and encouraging words verbalized, no matter how big or small I’ve seen the harvest of seeds sown. My cousin and I recently attended a crab feast where they walked around snapping pictures that ended up on keychains for sale. The keychains were $10 and believe it not, I didn’t have that to spare. I walked away only for my cousin to come back over to me with the keychain with my picture on it in hand. What a blessing! It’s in the valley that you appreciate the small blessings. 

-We truly depend on God
If the truth be told, many of us get into a valley season because we took our eyes off God and tried to do things our own way. Unfortunately God is used to it, the Israelites did it over and over and over again! I’m in no way implying that every valley and every storm is a direct result of disobedience because there are other reasons you could be in one, but it is a fact that disobedience is a sure-fire way to get there! Regardless of the path, it is in these times that we learn to truly depend on God. Our prayer life increases and we see God at work even in the dark times. I’ve had rent paid when I didn’t have it, I’ve been blessed with help from unlikely sources, and when it’s all said and done, I’m still here, still afloat, not starving with a roof still over my head - BUT GOD!

The valley doesn’t feel good but it’s necessary for our growth and development. You never know how God will decide to prune you, mold and shape you. So despite it’s discomfort, don’t shun the valley process because the valley process is necessary before you get to the mountaintop promise! 

I’m a valley girl for now, but I’ll be back on the mountaintop soon! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Present and Pressing

I must admit, this is really rough season in my life. It’s odd when you know you’re not exempt from having a rough season so you somewhat take it in stride even though it kills you inside. The roughness hits in a few areas, financial, dealing with singleness and just being at a crossroads as far as my purpose is concerned. This blog was created to inspire, comfort and encourage and it is in this season that I’m in need of all three. 

It’s difficult to write during a time when you’re in the valley. I feel like David did in 1 Samuel 30, distressed, saddened and discouraged. The Bible says in 1 Samuel 30:6 that David was greatly distressed but he encouraged himself in the Lord his God. The title of this blog is Girrrl Stop and in most cases this is my mantra. There are some instances where you can’t stop; you can’t help but be distressed. It’s in these distressful times that the encouragement can’t stop, you have to delve into what the Word of God says to find that inspiration, comfort and encouragement that your soul seeks. It is in this time that you have to take time and re-discover who you are at your core in order to rebuild. 

The enemy crept in and said to me, how do you think you’re supposed to encourage others when your life is raggedy? Why should someone listen to you? The Lord placed in my spirit Philippians 3:13-14 which says, “Brethen, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”. Before I expound, please know that the enemy will come and try to talk to you, even hold a conversation with you but you have to always hear God’s voice over the enemy. Let God’s Word do the work!

It is believed that Paul was in prison when he wrote this letter to the church of Phillippi. He was locked up and not in the best of circumstances. By many people’s standards or outlook, Paul was in a low place. So now here is Paul, a man who taught the Word of God, preached it and encouraged the new believers at that time showing vulnerability to the people who followed him. Verse 12 of this same chapter states, “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which I also I am apprehended for Christ Jesus”. Paul simply tells the people hey, I’m preaching this thing to you but know I have in no way attained it myself. I’m pressing just like you are and as Christ gives it to me, I’m being obedient and giving it to you. 

I’m following Paul’s lead today and being vulnerable, although I teach it, I have not attained it. God can still use the ones that have not attained. I count not myself to have apprehended, I do not have it all together and I’m working tirelessly to keep it together on a daily basis. The usual focus of this passage of scripture is verse 14, that’s the part that usually gets people shouting - pressing toward the mark. But there is so much value in the portion that says, ‘I count not myself to have apprehended’. There is value in being vulnerable and admitting that I indeed, do not have things figured out as I appear to and even more importantly as I many times lead people to believe. 

As I begin to pray, God let me know that even though I’m working on you, there is still an opportunity for you to add value to the lives of others. There are people out there who feel like they don’t have it all together too and that feeling causes them to feel worthless. God says I can still use you in the the midst of your storm, I can still use you for my glory even in your low place. Then I heard God say that there is beauty in the ‘now’ no matter what the ‘now’ looks like. There is value in being present in today. 

So now I am here. I am present and pressing at the same time. Although I don’t have it all together, I am pressing toward my goals, pressing toward changing my situation and pressing toward being better and doing better. This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! I hope that this encourages you during your storm, be it financial, emotional, mental, or spiritual. I hope that at the very least you can see that you’re not alone. 

In the next post I’ll be talking about how to appreciate the low place and how to learn and grow while there. In another post I’ll touch on coming to grips with the events that led you there. It ain’t always the devil who did it, if you spewing that out of your mouth - Girrrl Stop! More often than not it’s our behaviors and decisions that lead us into certain places but even with that God is in complete control and will use those experiences to shape and mold us.

Until next time… 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Committing and/or Allowing Grand Larceny On Your TIME!

A good friend passed along a link to a Forbes article that talked about what successful people agree as the most valuable asset: Time (

Of course this related to the business world but it made me ponder a bit on how it relates to relationships and the value that we place on our time. As the article points out, time is that one thing we can’t get back. Once an hour is gone, it’s gone! Time is our greatest commodity and should be treated as such. So what does this have to do with relationships? Everything! Who you chose to spend your time with or even how much time you give someone can directly impact your relationship success or failure. 

For instance, if your goal is to be married, be mindful of giving time to a man that has marriage no where on his radar! If you desire a committed relationship, stop giving time to the man that wants to play! 

Beware of those who commit Grand Larceny on your time!

Who are the male time thieves?
  1. The man that knows he has no good intentions for you yet continues to take up your time ‘hanging out’ and ‘kicking it’. 
  2. The man who is in process and getting himself together, priorities, etc., he’s not ready for a relationship and knows it. He is a time-suck. 
I could go on but I think the point is clear here. Don’t allow people to steal your time from you! Why you out wasting time with this fool, you missing out on spending time with the real deal! 

Now let me flip it here! 

Ladies, stop spending time with men who you know you are not interested in. Stop using men for free dinners, concert tickets etc. (many of us are past that and we on to mortgage/rent and car payments but you get my point!).

Who are the female time thieves? 
  1. You know good and well that you don’t like this man, ain’t attracted to him spiritually or physically yet you steady going out to dinner with him and letting this man spend his money. You are a time suck!
  2. You know you are still healing from that last situationship and that you are no where near being ready to date seriously and fairly, but you are accepting dates! - Girrrl Stop!

Some of y'all committing grand larceny on folks and y'all need to arrested and corrected! The Bible puts it this way, John 10:10a - The thief does not come except to steal, kill and to destroy. 

How to know for sure if you’re guilty (Men and Women)? 

Are you stealing, killing and destroying?

Steal - When you take up people’s time knowing that you are not interested, you are a thief! I’m not talking about that relationship that you were genuine about but it just didn’t work out but rather, the one you entered into already knowing you are looking for the next best thing. 

Kill - Due to your disdain for people’s time and feelings alike, you kill their belief in love, their hope that love can actually happen because of their dealings with you. Your bad intentions and poor behavior kills the game!

Destroy - When you steal time and kill people’s spirits, you destroy any chance for fruitful interactions to occur. Every person you meet is not necessarily a relationship prospect but they could be a potential friend, business partner, or just someone who sows into your life to give you what you need to advance to the next level. God may be trying to introduce you to someone and you destroy the chance for the partnership to be fruitful (whatever that fruit may be) due to your disrespect of people's time. 

Point is, handle people with care because even if they are not for you, they are for someone so don’t bruise them before they get to the person God really has for them. 

Also, don’t allow the thief into your life. But if the thief happens to slip in due to their charming manipulation, go to the John 10: 10b-11 which tells us, “I (Jesus Christ) have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd gives His life for the sheep”. As always, keep your focus on Christ and treat people the way you know He would want you to treat them. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Girrrl Stop! Get Something to Drink!!!

Have you ever been so dehydrated that when you finally get something to drink, you don’t care what it is as long as it was cold and wet? It doesn’t matter much what it is because quenching your thirst is the only thing that matters at that point in time! This is ok on that super hot summer day but this doesn’t fly well in relationships. 

Girrrl Stop being ‘Relationally Dehydrated’! 

Most people would refer to this as ‘being thirsty’ and as much as I loathe that term it applies sometimes. Let’s define what relationally dehydrated is versus what it is not. 

You are NOT Relationally Dehydrated when: 
  1. You express your feelings to someone and be genuinely honest with them
  2. You proactively let someone know that you are interested - men aren’t mind readers
  3. You are showing genuine interest in someone who’s reciprocating that interest
  4. Participate in healthy relationships

You are Relationally Dehydrated when: 
  1. You continue to settle for less than God’s best for you 
  2. You continue to enter into relationships with men who are unavailable in one form or another
  3. You continue to pursue men rather that allowing them to pursue you
  4. Participate in toxic relationships 

When you’re relationally dehydrated you settle for almost anyone and any type of behavior. Girrrl Stop and get something to drink please! Don’t be the woman that’s with a man just to say she has one. When the reality is with all of his junk and drama you don’t really have a man anyway. You end up having a bunch of headaches and unnecessary stress in your life! 

Hydration in the natural comes about with drinking adequate water hence staying hydrated. Being the fabulous Christian woman that you are your hydration comes from the Word of God which is the living water! Just as Jesus told the Samarian woman at the well ‘whoever drinks of this water will thirst again but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give them will never thirst’ John 4. See we stay dehydrated when we constantly drink the water that the world offers: 

  1. The world says, time is running out, you’re biological clock is ticking - this causes many women to go completely nuts and date the first man that walks through the door! This ‘fear’ leads to many toxic relationships and just plain ole poor decisions. 
  2. God says, I transcend time - if we focused on God as the author of time, this would calm the angst that the world tries to stir up. He is the Aleph and the Tav (you may be more familiar with the Greek translation Alpha and Omega) which means he is the beginning and the end. If God has the start and the finish, why stress over the middle! Just remain open to the Holy Spirit and God’s direction for your life! 

When we focus on God’s Word and stand on His promises for our life according to His Word, we will stay fully hydrated and be able to discern those sent by God versus the imposters. Knowing who you are in Christ and allowing God to make you whole and keep you whole is the key to never being thirsty  for the wrong things again. See the woman in John 4 was Relationally Dehydrated, in other words she was a bit of a wreck:  

-She had 5 husbands
-The man she was with currently was someone else’s husband (yeah everything is in the Book!)

However after her encounter with Jesus Christ, her life was never the same. 

Girrrl go get a drink of the Living Water and quench your thirst! 

Monday, May 30, 2016

Daughter of a Slain “G” - A Dad Remembered

There are many memorable moments in life or milestones that cause us to celebrate, laugh and be merry. Conversely, there are times that cause us to mourn, cry and grieve. Then there are those moments, those defining moments, that are so gut wrenching that they bring us to our knees, altering our very existence as we know it. Those moments are the ones that develop character but beyond that, change us to our core almost to the point that we become unrecognizable to ourselves. 

That rare defining moment for me was April 15, 2009 when I received a phone call from my Mom informing me that my Dad, Harold L. Able Sr., was gone. Somewhere deep within myself still lies a childish innocence that refuses to face those adult things in life head-on. So when my Mom told me that my Dad was gone my first thought was ‘gone where?’. Then just like that, I blinked and I became an adult again and into full awareness that my father, the strong one, the invincible one was gone; really gone. 

In a matter of seconds I wrapped my head around the concept of ‘gone’ until the wrecking ball was thrust directly into my gut causing me to lose breath for what seemed like an eternity but was only seconds. In my confusion I managed to ask, “What happened?” The three words that followed were three words you can never be prepared for: 

“He was murdered”

I lost all feeling in my body and in all one very slow motion, my arm dropped lifeless causing my cell phone to fall to floor. I stood motionless, numb, and for a minute or so: dead.  

My heart stopped beating in that moment and as I would soon discover, it took years to restore it back to a false sense of normalcy. The reality is things will never be like they were so the goal, I was told, is to create a new normal where you can exist. So I did. I existed. Neglecting to live because a piece of me died on April 15, 2009. Only I didn’t hold a viewing for that dead part of me or have a funeral, burial or repast. I left her open, wounded and exposed to the elements until she began to decompose physically leaving only her spirit lingering in limbo with nowhere to go. She would manifest herself on occasion in the form of anger. Sometimes she would show up bruised and hurt. After time went on however, she began to manifest as bitterness; sweet bitterness, sometimes happy and sometimes sad. This may be the greatest oxymoron known to someone who has ever grieved. It is a very low place. 

That low place existed for me because on April 13, 2009, someone decided to do the unthinkable, the unimaginable, and the inconceivable: murdering my father, my rock, my personality twin, my Dad. As I’m penning this piece on this blistery, cold day of what would have been his 70th birthday, April 5th, I’m reminded of how cold it was on April 13th and 14th of 2009. I remember walking to my office near the Metro Center train station in Washington, DC complaining about how it was too cold for April. My Dad was murdered in Baltimore, MD on April 13, 2009 but his body was not found until April 15, 2009, a whole two days later. After some years of reflection I recognized that even in the midst of tragedy, God was still right there. It was the cold, blistery air that preserved my father’s body during those two days so that we could have an open casket funeral. 

No matter what happens in our lives, God is still in control. I’m thankful that God has resurrected that piece of me that died that day. Through his loving kindness and tender mercy he has allowed anger to be replaced with love, hurt to be replaced with wholeness, and caused sweet bitterness to evaporate leaving only the sweetness of His love behind. This was a journey ordained for me to take and by the grace of God I’m still walking. 

Gun violence brings immense hurt and pain to the families of the victims. Its grip is so tight that many never fully recover. In fact, I haven’t fully recovered but rather with Christ I am covered. Gun violence on the streets of Baltimore must end. It erodes the very fabric of our community to a point where people begin to lose hope. Like my Dad’s murder, many of the homicides in Baltimore go unsolved and the number of homicides continue to pile up. Although it is easier said than done we, as a community, can not lose hope. 

I personally will never lose hope that justice will be served. I pray for it daily. I’m the daughter of a slain “G” and no, the “G” is not for gangster but it is for Giver because that’s what my Dad was at his core, a giver. He would help anybody and my guess is at some point in time, he also helped the very person who took his life. This mistreatment of people and disregard for human life in general has to stop, the violence must end.  

Please Stop the Violence! 

Remember those persons on today who have impacted your life in a positive way!

Happy Memorial Day!

R.I.P. Dad, Granny & Grandaddy, Aunt Bummie, Uncle Donald, Cousin Tim, Cousin Erica and Cousin Lorrie 

Monday, May 23, 2016

The Puffer and the Poofer!

In the last post we talked about ‘the puffer’, you know the guy who blows smoke but never follows through! I believe we resolved to Puff, Puff, Pass on him! In this post I want to introduce yet another type to steer clear of and he’s better known as ‘The Poofer’ and offer some tips to recognize both of them early and run for your life!! 

The Poofer (sometimes referred to as 'ghosting') is the guy that goes ‘poof!’ and vanishes into thin air. We may as well call this dude Casper, the not so friendly ghost!! We’ve all encountered him at one point or another he may have poofed early or may have waited until he was months in but before you could blink your eyes good - Poof! He was gone. 

Here’s a scenario: you go out on a date with this handsome suitor, you enjoy dinner, music, the park or whatever and you have great conversation and a great time in general. The night ends and you’re smitten, secretly fantasizing about the second date. Then out of nowhere your handsome suitor date goes POOF! 

Here’s another: you begin dating this guy and things are going really well, 3 months in he’s introducing you to family members, you’re doing holidays together and taking weekend excursions (with accountability partners of course - go ahead, roll your eyes!). Suddenly you begin to notice him becoming distant. You scratch your head and wonder why and then just like that he goes POOF!

I gave the two scenarios because the POOF can come at any stage in the game. There are many reasons why a man goes poof such as: 

-He may have some serious emotional issues
-He may actually be extremely interested in you which terrifies the man who has serious emotional issues
-Conversely, he just may not be that in to you
-He could be a womanizer and not want to do you wrong
-He could be dating other women and you didn’t make the cut
-He could just be a jackass (sorry I told you I was a cussin’ Christian!)

The list of why could go on and on to eternity. The reality is, many puffers and poofers are not bad people but you certainly can conclude they are just not for you. 

Here are some tips to recognize a Puffer: 
  1. He never follows through on what he says he’s going to do. A man’s word is still his bond right?
  2. He always sounds too good to be true. If it quacks like a duck then…
  3. He’s full of empty excuses. He has to be right? He has to have something to say when he doesn’t show up for the 3rd time!
  4. They are usually distant but will say just enough to appear close; they always claim to be overly busy with something

Puffers are very recognizable because their words and actions are unaligned. The Poofer is a bit more ambiguous and is not as recognizable as the other. 

Here are some tips to recognize a Poofer: 
  1. Pay close attention to what they say; the poofer always plans the poof and sometimes gives you clues along the way (i.e. never mentions the future with you)
  2. (Not Applicable to All) Mental illness is sometimes present here. If he exhibits signs of mental illness, then he could poof at any time
  3. He Poofs at certain times during the relationship; he frequently performs disappearing acts and regards them as normal while disregarding your feelings about them. 
  4. He puts on the “smooth” a bit too hard. The poofer does not want you to catch wind of his upcoming poof so he throws you off track by being overly charming. (Don’t shun the charming guy in general just be watchful)

This is not to say be leery of the super, overly nice guy because quite frankly that’s what you want! This is to say pray for some discernment because many times this is what it takes to recognize a Poofer! 

When the poof happens it can be painful, hurtful and ego-bruising. However, this too shall pass! 
You will be alright as many of you can attest. Just know the poof was for your own good, let him be someone else’s issue. 

We’ll pass of the Poofer too!!

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Puff, Puff, Pass!

There is a new guy that I’ve encountered recently: The Puffer. This is a guy who will blow a bunch of smoke and never deliver. He just puffs and puffs and puffs and yields no results. This is the guy full of empty promises. He says he’s going to do something when he has no intention of doing it at all. You know, “Imma call you this afternoon” - no phone call received (PUFF!) or “Let’s meet for breakfast tomorrow" - no call no show (PUFF!). 

It all started when I traveled to Atlanta, GA (my second home) for my one of my best friend’s 40th birthday celebration. Before we got into the main event for the weekend, we had to do some pre-partying. She took me out to a lounge spot in the ‘A’, I believe it was called MJQ or BQE or something like that, lol!! The music was going and drinks were flowing and somewhere in the middle of all that I met a very handsome man who I was quite enamored by. For purposes of our conversation today we’ll call him Benjamin (his name is actually one of the 12 tribes of Israel so I’ll go with this one lol!). We talked, laughed, and flirted, you know all the things you do in a lounge - well let me be transparent, I probably did more talking, laughing and flirting because of the spirit that dwelled in me at that time and it was not the spirit of Christ! Moving on. Turned out we knew some mutual people from college so we ended up exchanging numbers. We didn’t communicate that weekend because the purpose for my visit was my friend’s birthday. 

Normally when you meet someone long distance, even if you exchange numbers people usually don’t call. However, I was intrigued by him so the following week or maybe two, I followed up with a hello via text. To my surprise he responded and we began to text periodically; no big deal really. Fast forward about a year later, I decided to take a trip back to Atlanta for a visit. I certainly wanted to visit friends but I thought, let me check out Benjamin and hang out with him in the ‘A’. I called everyone about a 1 1/2 month before to confirm, to make sure that time was good for everyone, including Benjamin. I expressed to him I was looking forward to spending some time with him and he responded with the same! As is my way, I sent reminders to everyone about my arrival just to make sure people didn’t forget. So everything was a go, so I thought!

Since I was staying for a week I opted to drive, it was cheaper. During my drive to Atlanta, several friends and family called to check on me but no call from Mr. Benjamin; indeed a red flag. I arrived in Atlanta late Saturday night so on Sunday late morning before going to worship, I gave him a call. He stated how he thought plans had changed when he didn’t hear from me the day before (side-eye). I told him my plans for the day and he said “Cool, I’ll call you this afternoon”. Well the afternoon came and went and no call. I called him that evening, he said he wasn’t feeling well. I texted the next day but ended up hanging out with my brothers that evening. Blah, blah, blah….fast forward to Thursday evening, my friends took me to a place in downtown Atlanta (or maybe that’s midtown) called Ra Sushi (very good by the way!!) and lo and behold I get a phone call from Benjamin. I’d been there since Sunday and it was now Thursday! He proceeds to say, “don’t talk bad about me I had some stuff going on blah, blah, blah, blah”. Then he ends with, “let’s do breakfast tomorrow morning”, he said he would stick his head in the office quickly and then meet me for breakfast: Boy Stop!

The next morning, my bestie (I’m really too old to use that term but that’s what she is lol) was working from home and decided to cook a big breakfast. Guess who ate it? ME!!! Because I knew Mr. Benjamin would be a no-call, no-show - PUFFER! 

My week in Atlanta was absolutely wonderful: hanging with my brothers from another mother, shopping at the Mart, Ross and TJ Maxxing with my homie Dre, and that epic Tuesday night at the Hawks Game with E!! So don’t get it twisted my trip was awesome because I’m awesome and I do awesome s#!@ (said in my Kanye West voice)! 

So puff, puff nah I’ll pass!

I’ll go into the red flags to look for in spotting a Puffer in my next post. 

Until then…

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