Monday, January 11, 2016

Do You Agree?

It’s been said that opposites attract but attract what? 

I’m currently teaching a dating class to teens and young adults and one of the concepts that keeps coming up is agreement. What do I mean? Two people must be in agreement spiritually in order for the relationship to be successful. The Bible states in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”, certainly not. 2 Corinthians 6:14 states, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

It is important to be on the same page with people as it relates to relationships because it makes the journey smoother. When you link up with an unbeliever you bring necessary stress into your life. Yes, they may be a nice person, even a good person but they are not coming from the same premise that you are - living according to God’s Word. This is particularly important for women because as we look at this from a marriage standpoint, men are leaders in the home. It will be difficult to follow leadership that is not following the voice and Word of God. Dating is no different. The end goal of dating should be marriage so it does not make sense to even date an unbeliever. The two of you are going in totally different directions; you can’t build this way. 

Just a note, unequally yoked can apply to friendships, business partnerships and any connection in general. If two co-business owners are not on the same page then it will be difficult to run a successful business together. This doesn’t mean that you think exactly the same, or even act the same way but it does mean that your foundational beliefs should be the same, you should be coming from the same base. 

If you are in a dating relationship with an unbeliever, I would encourage you to get out of it. You can pray for them and when God decides to deliver them and change them (if that is their desire) then perhaps you can entertain befriending them again. Honestly, it’s the God in you that they are attracted to in the first place but as life’s challenges come at you, you need someone who knows how to go to God in prayer for his family and as the movie ‘War Room’ suggest, fights battles on their knees. 

Yes, I do know of cases where Christians have married unbelievers and God eventually saved that spouse but if you ask any of those couples, they will tell you that it didn’t come without some major heartache and/or struggle. The road to get there was not a smooth one. Dating and marriage is difficult enough without adding to it willfully. 

If you are compromising your beliefs to be in a relationship - Girrrl Stop! 

God wants to give you his best, be patient and wait for it. 


  1. I agree but...

    Quite honestly, I think that as "believers" we make the mistake of relegating unequally yoked to the realm of accepting Christ and our functioning as believers. When, truth be told, a potential suitor can worship and pray all day-everyday but, if your foundational values beyond your love of the Lord don't match up, you can very easily find yourself more unequally yoked than had you married an atheist who had his or her life in order.

    For example - 2 Christians can come together and do all of the "right things" re their courtship. But, what if his or her credit is a mess? Which in and of itself, is not a big deal as it is a matter that can be corrected. But, what if that partner not only doesn't acknowledge the importance of good credit (since momma and daddy got along fine without it) but, they continue their spending habits which are such that the money is spent before you can get it into your hands? How successful will this union between 2 believers actually be? Dreams of owning a home? Dashed. Going away on vacations? Don't count on it. Being able to buy the clothes or cars you desire? Not going to happen. Affording to keep your hair tight? Welcome to going natural not by choice. Do they value education? Do they value confidence between a husband and wife or will every decision in your marriage be made between the 3 of you (that 3rd being momma, poppa, sister, brother, best friend, etc...)?

    I could go on but, my point is that while your dating partner's love for God is important, you can find yourself in quite a mess by not considering all levels of being equally (or near equally) matched.

    Do you agree?

    1. Great comment!!!! The areas that you reference are actually speaking to compatibility, what I'm talking about is making sure that the foundation of your belief system is at least the same. Then once that is in order then you have to explore whether you are compatible or not. What I'm running into are Christian sisters who are in full relationships with unsaved men and wonder why it is full of headaches and not working out. To your point you will not be compatible with every believer but at least let the belief be the starting point and then build from there


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