Monday, August 31, 2015

Fall Back Until the Divorce is in Black!

Have you ever caught yourself saying this? 

-He’s separated and up for grabs!
-He’s emotionally checked out of the marriage years ago so he’s single
-He’s separated, he doesn’t even live with her anymore
-He’s separated so he’s available

Girrrl Stop!
Let me say that again: Girrrl Stop!

Separated is still married and last time I checked, you can date a married man! Don’t be fooled and don’t be made a fool of. When you encounter separated men you never know what can come of that situation so it’s best to fall back until the divorce is in black!

If you date online, you will see that the sites do allow separated men to sign-up and in their profile it will say ‘Legally Separated’ but real talk, that still means ‘Legally Married’. Many men and women choose to date while they are separated because maybe they feel the relationship is really over and they want to move on, however this can be a recipe for disaster for the single person!

Here are a few reasons single women should steer clear of this situation: 
  1. By law he is still married. You can’t date someone who is married
  2. Separation is a traumatic experience. Men involved in them are usually not emotionally stable at that point and therefore not candidates for a healthy relationship
  3. He could at any time decide to go back to his wife and reconcile, even while he’s “dating” you. 
  4. If things end in Divorce, it still is not guaranteed that he will want to move forward in the level of relationship that you are looking for (i.e. marriage). 
A very handsome man asked me out on a dinner date at this home (subject for another post) and at the time he was indeed legally separated. Although I was quite enamored by him, I had to decline because who was to say he wouldn’t want to reconcile with his wife at any given time. Fast forward and it appears that the divorce is final but quite naturally he’s not looking to get into anything too serious. He’s healing from the trauma of divorce and focused on his parental responsibilities, as he should be. 

There are exceptions to every rule but in these cases I think it’s smart to play it safe. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23 NLT). 

**Disclaimer: I’m not judging or criticizing men and women who are separated and going through this traumatic experience. I pray for them as I can only imagine how difficult that is. This piece is a suggestion, part instruction and encouragement for my single ladies of the Girrrl Stop Nation! That’s my audience.**

That’s all. 


  1. Keep them coming Reebs! Remember ladies some wives can be very vindictive during separations and thats not good while you are "dating". If he really wants to be serious he will wait until the ink is dry and finalized. Be Blessed!!!

  2. Indeed! Let the ink dry people, let the ink dry!!!

  3. Divorce can be a troublesome and in addition mentally tolling process on all gatherings included.KidsAfterSeparation

    1. Definitely, which is why it is important for singles to tread lightly when dealing with people who are going through a divorce or freshly divorced. There is a healing process that has to take place before people are able to move on in a healthy manner.

  4. Pleasantly surprised to see this meshwork of amazing words.


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