Before you get your panties in a bunch y’all know good and well I’m not talking about married men as in married to another woman! Just stop it! As far as those matrimonial men are concerned you need to run far away!!! The married men I’m speaking of are those who are married to other things that cause them to become wrapped up in busyness.
I read a quote that said, “If you don’t want a broke man, you’re going to have to put up with a busy man”. Busy in and of itself is not a bad thing! Everyone who is walking in purpose will have things going on in their life, they will not be sitting around twiddling their thumbs! For instance, a musician is usually purposed to his music, or a writer is purposed to their craft, and a business owner is purposed to growing his business. Purpose is one thing but marriage is another. When the business owner is ‘married’ to the business, nothing or no one else matters. Every action is about growing their business and they do not make time for anything or anyone else – they are unbalanced. I think that there is a season where you will have to be married to whatever that ‘thing’ is for you, there is a grind period where you will not be able to do anything else and that is totally okay as long as you are honest about that season and recognize it for what it is. When the ‘married’ person tries to take on a relationship, their unavailability, unwillingness to accommodate and make adjustments will cause extreme frustration and cause the relationship to starve and die. When dating someone, it is important to uncover if they are ‘married’ and discern right away whether they willing to make adjustments to accommodate the both of you.
We all want someone who has things going on in their life. In fact, I encourage all women within the Girrrl Stop Nation to have a life – know your purpose! The issue becomes when someone is married to the things in their life and not willing to make room for you or for your relationship. The relationship doesn’t stand a chance when you’re with the married man! I use the term ‘starve’ above because a relationship is something that you have to feed in order for it to grow. You have to feed it time, energy, vulnerability, and transparency if it’s ever going to have a chance to blossom into something beautiful.
The ‘married’ man is unable to feed the relationship therefore it becomes malnourished, withers and dies. A ‘married’ man will not be able to be into you: he won’t have the capacity, capability or desire to do so, even if he wants to. He will not make time for you and he will not know how to. You will not be a priority to him and in some cases you will actually be irrelevant to him, he will not even want to make you a priority (yes I know this one is harsh but it is what it is). I’m only scratching the surface of this topic and will unpack some of these in future posts.
For now, here are a few signs that may indicate you are involved with a ‘married’ man:
-You have to initiate time spent for the two of you (you’re the only one initiating)
-He has to work too hard to pencil you into his schedule
-He makes little to no effort in the relationship
-You feel single even though you’re in a relationship
-Disappointing you doesn’t seem to faze him
-He leaves you wondering
These are just a few for you to think about. I’m all for dating a man with purpose and in purpose; you can rest assured that man will be busy! Busy isn’t the problem rather the problem is lack of balance. The ‘married’ man is unbalanced which usually leads to him putting in little effort into the growth of the relationship. As we’ve all heard before, a person will make time for what they truly want to do – period!
Ladies, if he’s ‘married’, I’d advise you to hit the nearest exit!